How do I know when my elderly parent needs more support?

It can be difficult to know when an elderly parent needs more support. Changes often happen gradually and, because you see your parent regularly, you may not immediately notice that everyday life is becoming a little harder for them.

Many older people understandably want to remain independent for as long as possible. Needing some additional support does not necessarily mean giving up that independence. In fact, having the right help in place can often make it easier for someone to continue living life in the way they choose.

For example, supported living offers a perfect balance of independence and companionship. Residents can enjoy the freedom of a comfortable private room, group social areas and extensive gardens, combined with delicious home cooked communal meals. We are not a care-home…we are a home.

Everyday tasks are becoming more difficult

You may notice that jobs your parent previously managed easily are starting to become a challenge. This could include:
• Shopping
• Meal preparation
• Household chores – such as cleaning, washing & ironing
• Gardening
• Managing household bills
• Keeping track of appointments

One missed task may not be significant, but if several areas of everyday life are becoming increasingly difficult, it could be time to begin considering options.

Changes in eating or drinking

Preparing nutritious meals can become more difficult with age, particularly if someone lives alone.
Look out for changes such as weight loss, relying heavily on snacks or ready meals, skipping meals or having very little food in the house.

Sometimes the problem is not a lack of appetite. Shopping and cooking may simply have become more demanding.

Mobility is becoming more of a concern

Perhaps your parent is becoming less steady on their feet, is struggling with stairs or has had a fall or near miss.
You may also notice that they are going out less; this may be because they are worried about falling or no longer feel confident travelling independently.

They are becoming more isolated

Social interaction is important at every stage of life.
Retirement, bereavement, reduced mobility or no longer driving can gradually reduce someone’s opportunities to socialise.
If your parent seems lonely, has stopped attending activities they previously enjoyed or is spending long periods without company, additional support and opportunities for social interaction could make a real difference to their health and wellbeing.

You notice changes in memory or confidence

Everyone occasionally forgets an appointment or misplaces their keys.
However, if you notice more frequent confusion, forgotten medication, difficulty managing money or your parent becoming anxious about tasks they previously managed confidently, it may be worth discussing your concerns with them.
If you are worried about significant changes in memory or behaviour, speaking to their GP can also be a sensible next step.

You are becoming increasingly worried

Sometimes there isn’t one obvious sign.
Instead, you may simply find yourself checking in more often, doing more jobs for your parent or worrying about whether they are eating properly or coping when you are not there.

Family members often gradually become carers without consciously making that decision.

If supporting your parent is beginning to take up an increasing amount of your time, it may be a sign that both you and your parent could benefit from additional support.

Starting the conversation

Talking to a parent about change is often a difficult step to make. You don’t want them to feel that they are being monitored and you don’t want to worry, or upset them. Rather than beginning with what they can no longer do, try focusing on what would make life easier.

You could ask:
“Are there any jobs you are finding more tiring recently?”
“Is there anything you wish you had a little more help with?”
“What would help you feel more confident staying independent?”

Giving your parent as much choice and involvement as possible can help the conversation feel less like decisions are being made for them.

Support does not have to mean losing independence

There is often an assumption that needing help means moving into a traditional care home.
That is not always the case.

Supported living can offer a middle ground for older people who value their independence but would benefit from the reassurance of having support nearby, help with some everyday tasks and opportunities for companionship.

At The Old Bakehouse Chadlington, our aim is to create a supportive environment where residents can continue to enjoy their independence while knowing that help, companionship and reassurance are close at hand. Many of our residents love to explore the village or use the local bus service to go further afield, visiting friends and places that are dear to them.

If you are beginning to wonder whether an elderly parent could benefit from a little more support, it is often worth exploring the options before a crisis makes the decision for you.

Starting the conversation early gives everyone more time to consider what would work best and, most importantly, allows your parent to remain involved in the decisions about their future.

Our friendly, compassionate team are always on hand to discuss your loved one’s situation and we welcome visitors to come and take a look around our newly refurbished supported living home. We also run a number of events each month from lunches and afternoon teas to bingo, craft sessions and seated pilates. These events are open to all, not just our residents, and could give your parent or loved one a relaxed opportunity to spend time with us. Find out more on our events calendar.

Please do get in touch with us on 01608676652 or email theoldbakehouse@abbeyfieldwessex.org